At what point in time did you realize things had changed? I think the interviewer thought it was going to take me longer to respond, or maybe they thought I would have to decide which moment really mattered the most. They all matter. Every stare, small whisper, hushed group mattered. I knew it had changed before the pool, but in that moment I knew things wouldn’t ever go back to what they were.

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I stood outside the door to the pool that I had come in a thousand times before and as my hand reached out to open it I froze. A lot had changed in the last 4 years I found love, I lost my family and I told my family and friends that I am gay. There were many ups and downs during those years, but I had support from my new friends to help me come out a healthy person. I found out I was lucky after I read that, “those who lack support show adverse mental health effects, such as increased risk for suicide, depression, and use of illicit substances,” (Gaiba). I had also heard that, “40 percent of LGBT high school students in the US had seriously considered suicide,” (Wu). Looking back it is pretty easy to see why that is the case as I would have had no place to go if I would have came out in high school. People aren’t meant to be abandoned. After I went through the depression, abandonment, and a very short stint with substance I figured I should try to make things okay again. I decided the Alumni swim meet would be worth a shot. I mean, at least I got invited to that event so someone wanted me there. I opened my eyes took a deep breath and opened the door.

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The familiar smell of chlorine and the heat from the pool area rushed past me as I remembered the early mornings of coming to work out. As I entered I looked around the crowded deck and saw my old friends and teammates in the same run-down pool area that hadn’t changed since I graduated high school. I started walking in and I heard my name yelled from the other end of the pool, “Greg”.  I walked over to say hi and 4 of my old friends came around and each gave me a hug and said how good it was to see me. It all felt like normal, like nothing had changed. As I walked to the locker room to change to get in and warm up I finally saw him, my little brother that is on the current high school team, I started to say hi then I quickly scanned the stands and saw my family and just kept walking into the locker room.

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The rest of the event of swimming some races against the current team and hanging out with old friends went by way to fast as we all joked and laughed having a great time. I still avoided my brother as best I could and as we people started to slowly leave I was talking with some of the parents of my old teammates and I finally saw my family leave. I gave a big sigh of relief then felt a hug come from a girl on the team saying she is sorry that my family does that to me.

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You see I come from a very devout LDS family and when I came out they told me I was no longer part of the family and told my siblings that I was dead to them, so they would get in trouble if they talked to me. At this event I didn’t know what to expect but hoping everything is alright and it ended up with people I haven’t seen in almost 4 years treating me more like family than my family does now. I hope more children have the support of friends like me.

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I did end up getting to talk to my brother I gave him a hug and we both had tears in our eyes as I told him that he should follow their rules as long as he is living with them, so he doesn’t get kicked out of the house. If our family would have known when I was living at home that I am gay, then I would have a part of the many homeless LGBTQ children. “43 percent of homeless LGBTQ youths were forced out by parents,” (Seaton). I was lucky enough to be stable when I left, but I know that isn’t the case for too many kids. My brother started to protest but hung his head as I gave him a big hug.

 

As I got ready to leave I gave my friends hugs and said our goodbyes. As I got to the door to leave the pool I took one last look over the small old pool and smiled knowing this was a safe place for the next person that had will have to come out to their friends. As I sit down in my car and close my  door I take a deep breath and let out a big sigh of relief before wiping the tears of a saddened happiness from my eyes. "I made it" i say to myself as I turn off the car and head home to my partner hoping my family will change their ways but I know they wont. 

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Source:

Gaiba, Francesca. “The Importance of Family Support When LGBTQ Youth Come Out”. Rewire News, 03/14/2017 (https://rewire.news/article/2017/03/14/importance-family-support-lgbtq-youth-come/)

 

Wu, Gwendoln. “For LGBT Teens, It Gets Worse When Friends Bail”. Take Part, 08/15/2016 (http://www.takepart.com/article/2016/08/15/southern-lgbt-youth)

 

Seaton, Jaimie. “Homeless rates for LGBT teens are alarming, but parents can make a difference”. The Washington Post, 03/29/2017 (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2017/03/29/homeless-rates-for-lgbt-teens-are-alarming-heres-how-parents-can-change-that/?utm_term=.c199c2e35b25)